Sleepless nights

Recently we are having trouble sleeping. With our working hours, our biological clock has gone haywired. Lately we'll come home after work feeling dead tired. We'll sleep early, but we always end up waking up at around 3am. We don't know why, but this is starting to annoy us.

Perhaps we need to take a break. Maybe we're feeling really burned out. And it starts to show in our workplace. Which is not a good sign.

We're thinking of an island vacation in January next year. Somewhere tropical. With trees, beach, and booze. Just a short trip, enough to re-charge. We love going to beaches. Especially beaches with cute guys running around. The thought of that cheered us up a little.

Something like this. Yummy.

So far, our top three most memorable island vacations are Goa, Koh Samui, and Phuket. The beach clubs and pubs are one of the places we'd definitely visit. Nothing beats dancing the night away and drinking the delicious island cocktails.

Saw a youtube video recently. How we wish someday a guy would say those things to us.

 

How sweet was that? And Harry Shum Jr...... drool...... OMG!

 

 

God save us.

 



Re: Jason the Ass (My Version)

Last week I had an unexpected one-week holiday. I knew about it at the last minute, so there wasn't any time to plan a fancy holiday. So what was I going to do? I decided to make a trip to KL! A quick text to Twinky asking him to clear his schedule so that he could bring me around. Heheh....

Usually if I visit KL, I would check into a hotel at the city area, so that it's easier for me to travel around, and usually I'll pick a slightly fancy ones, for comfort purpose. But this time, I decided to try out one of the guesthouses that I've seen a few times that I was in KL. A quick search on the net revealed that The Nest Guesthouse seemed like a great choice. Cheap, cozy and not too scary. AND the prostitutes around there were uber friendly.

After checked in to the hotel, I drove to meet up with Twinky. I specifically told him I'll be there at 7-ish. Around 6pm, I got a call from him bitching to me that he was already there. Was it really my fault that he decided to be there early? Apparently it was. Since he conveniently accused me for being late. We had dinner, dessert then supper. You can read all about it here.

So for 2 days, I went mall-hopping with Twinky. He picked out a couple of clothing for me. After all, he was the expert (konon-nya) in shopping. Zara, TopMan, Uniqlo, H&M, and so many more! We went to Marc Jacobs to have a look at their colognes, and that boy kept shoving his body parts at me to smell. =.=

Oh, and the Spot-the-Gay game was fun!

Twinky suggested that I check out of the hotel one day earlier and crash at his place on my second day there. I was a bit reluctant at first, since I didn't know what he was going to do to me. We all know about his sex drive. But then again, it really was more convenient, so I went along with the idea. I decided to sleep with my flip knife under my pillow, just to be safe.

So, we were turning in for the night. Lights off. Settling comfortably under the covers.

Twinky: It's so warm in here! I'm not used to wearing all these to sleep!
Me: Oh yeah? Then just take it off la!
Twinky: I'm shy.
Me: ........... =.=

After 10 minutes....

Twinky: It's still so warm!
Me: Just take it off already. I promise I won't look.
Twinky: It's already off.
Me: LOL!

And the next day, I woke up first to use the loo, and when I came back into the room, he already quickly put his clothes back on. LOL so cute, that shy boy.

I had a lot of fun while I was there. Thanks to Twinky. Budi anda akan dikenangi selama-lamanya.

This is only part I of my trip. I'm not sure when I'll post part II of it.

Ambition-less child

Do you remember when you were young, like really young, when you were still in primary school young, that you will be asked by your class teacher to write down your top three ambitions, every single year? Do you still remember yours?

Back then, I didn't have a clue what was the point of that. Not that I see what is the point of it now either.

I remembered some of mine were:
1. Singer
2. Actor
3. Engineer
4. Lawyer

Obviously you can see that I didn't exactly take the task of writing down my ambitions very seriously. Or did I?

 

I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote down singer / actor. LOL. Engineer was one that I wrote down every single year. Maybe because it was the most 'normal' job I could think of, other than singer/actor. Not that I had a strong passion to be an engineer. It was just one of the choices to fill up the 3 blanks. I always had a hard time putting down the 3 ambitions, so I ended up just simply write down something, just to show the world I'm not some ambition-less child. And every year I will have different ambitions, except for the engineer part. LOL.

Of course I am not an engineer today. I'm an actor.

In my dream maybe. :p

So what was your ambition?

My other 'ambition', to have abs like that! :p

Fall.....Falling....

So I got to know this guy recently. I first encountered him from the internet. Gah, so cliché right? :p Can't help it. We ARE living in the 21st century after all. What do you expect?

Then we exchanged phone numbers and started texting. Everyday, no matter rain or shine, day or night, we'll text each other. He'll greet me 'good morning' and 'good night'. He'll remind me to have my lunch/dinner. He'll text me after he finished working. Or after I finished working. Somehow, our texting became a routine. A routine that both of us comfortably slip into. Of course there are healthy amount of flirting as well. 

I'm trying not to get my hopes up before meeting him. I had a not-so-good experience previously with another guy. He turned out not to be what I've expected. We are still friends though. Sort of.

But I really have a good feeling about this guy. Okay that sounds wayyyy to familiar. Deja vu much?!

I don't know how this is going to work though. He's a out-of-towner. I'm extremely terrified to meet him. What if I like him too much? And if we were to become an 'item', how would this LDR work? Or what if I don't like him enough? How do I continue this.... friendship? I don't even know what 'this' is, to be exact. Some days, I just can't wait to meet up with him. Just to know for sure, if whatever 'this' is, could ever work. Even if just to end whatever fantasy that I'm having. Sigh, so many contradicting thoughts and feelings. Nooooo I think I'm turning into a girl. LOL.

I know I will meet him eventually. I'm just crossing my fingers that when the day comes, I won't turn into a nervous wreck and screw this up.

Ok back to watching American Idol. My god, those two judges Steve Tyler and J.Lo really bore me. Interesting contestants though.

Hot Red Indians

To all Malaysians that are celebrating the Independence day, happy holiday!

So, the family decided to make a short trip to A'Famosa resort in Malacca for the holiday. I volunteered to pay for the accommodation, a gorgeous villa with 3 spacious rooms for the eight of us. It had a pool in the front yard. When we arrived, we were ooh-ing and aah-ing just like a couple of village people. Hahah...

Anyway, I left for the trip right after work. So I was a tad tired that day. But the day was already planned, so I had to follow them and force myself out of the comfortable bed to the safari. Gosh! I can't imagine why would anyone enjoy safari. I'm really not an animal person, so I really can't see the point of that. But somehow, even some of my friends just love going to the zoos, safari and whatnot. Seriously?!

So there I was, reluctantly, trying to enjoy myself.

A pic of our wristbands. So lame, but it had to be done. Guess which sexy hand was mine? Haha...

In the evening, it was a visit to the Cowboy town. It was rather... I don't know, boring seemed like an understatement.

The most exciting part was where a bunch of half-naked sexy fire-breathing red Indians show. That, I think was the most memorable part of the trip. LOL, slutty me.

Seriously, I think the tattered pants were a bit too long. Don't you think? I don't think red Indians wear such long pants. Hrmph.... A loin cloth would've sufficed!

As usual, spotted a few hotties on the trip. Drools... but no pics. Hey,I went with my too large of a family, OK!

Mom: So, when are you going to find a gf? (Right in the middle of the aforementioned red Indian show. Mother always has the worst timing ever! Always.)
Me: Oh, how do you think they can swallow the flame like that?
Mom: Don't try to change the subject, young man!
Me: Ok, ok, soon soon! I'm still young! Hey look at that! Isn't that amazing?!

Grrr......

Just got back home from that oh-so-tiring trip. I thought holidays are supposed to be relaxing. Rejuvenating. But it never was. At least trips with the family never was. Sigh....

Personal Preference

Recently I'm watching this Korean drama. I don't usually watch Korean drama. Too sappy and too dramatic with atrocious storyline that makes me want to puke. But really, I couldn't resist this one. Yeah yeah go ahead and judge me. I am judging me. I don't know why, but I'm such a sucker for romantic comedy.

It's called 'Personal Preference' or 'Personal Taste'. It was aired 2 years ago, but recently it was aired again on the local cable. Of course I was initially drawn to it because of the cute lead male actor. Yes I'm not ashamed to admit that. I can be that shallow. LOL. I mean, look at him. How can anyone not fall in love with him? How? And he dresses so well in the drama!

Jeon Jin-Ho, a budding architect, is a straight guy who pretending to be gay in order to become roommate to Park Gae-In who would only consider living with a guy, if he's gay. Shame on him, pretending to be gay. But if he's that hot, he can be forgiven for anything. Of course the storyline can be a bit predictable, but who cares? That's what I love about it. I love the simplicity of it. I don't want to waste my brain cells or energy trying to figure things out. I like that it doesn't have complicated twist of events that leave me scratching my head at the end of the show.   

Am I turning into a korean drama fanboy?

Shit shit shit.

Of French and their Kisses

What do you think of french kiss?

I'm not sure yet whether I like it or not. Because I only had experience with one person. Well I kind of like it how he bit my lips. But I didn't really like it when he tried inserting his whole tongue into my mouth. I felt like someone was trying to choke me. LOL. But I guess that's how a french kiss supposed to be right? With lots of tongue.I like how sweet it tasted. Is it going to taste as sweet with other people?

I think hygiene is important too. I can't imagine kissing a guy with a bad breath.

I always wondered why a french kiss is called french kiss. So I decided to google it when I was writing this post. 

From wikipedia:

A French kiss is so-called because at the beginning of the 20th century the French had a reputation for more adventurous and passionate sex practices. In France, it is referred to as baiser amoureux ("lover's kiss") or baiser avec la langue ("kiss with the tongue"), even if in past times it was also known as baiser florentin ("Florentine kiss").

第一次 First Time

It's been ages since I cried over a movie. I'm those sensitive kind that cries over a really sad movie. Note the 'really'. That means I don't cry easily. Just watched a movie today that touched me. It's called 第一次 (First Time), a Taiwan-made movie. I don't usually watch chinese movie very often, but somehow I decided to buy the dvd last week while shopping. Here's a trailer of the movie.

Age, appearance..... and stalker!

People always commented that I look younger than my actual age. Today, a guy remarked that I looked like 21 - 22 years old. Whoops! (Of course, he might be just flirting with me. He did slipped his number to me. Hmm...) I was flattered, of course I was. Few years back I would've felt annoyed by that. But now that I'm older, I'm just relieved that I don't look my age (Not that I'm already some old ah pek mind you, just that I'm no longer the twink age).

I guess I just have the naturally boyish look. (Don't hate me for that! =P)

On another note, I need to find a new gym now that I've moved. Hopefully I can find one with lots of hotties. Haha... slutty me.

Found a stalker pic in my phone of the gym Adonis from my old gym, that I mentioned in my previous post here. Let you guys cuci mata as well. You can thank me later. A basket of chocolates would suffice.

I'm not sure if the above picture did him justice. Pardon the bad quality and the horrendous picture-taking skill. I was trying to be discreet. Blerrgh.... blurry face. Really, he was so much more good looking!! I think he's straight though. But don't trust my gaydar.

So how old do you think he is?

New chapter

There are going to be some changes in my life soon. Actually, the change has already begun.

I have to relocate to another place soon for my work. It's a place less 'developed' than where I'm living right now. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Regardless how I felt about it, I still need to go.

They say change is good. I'm trying to convince myself that. The darn thing is that positive thinking is not my strong suit. I'm a pessimist by nature.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad. Some part of me is excited. But another is afraid of the uncertainty. However, that's the good thing about being young. You still get to explore life, trying out new things, making mistakes and learning from them. If you don't do it now, when will you?

I'm going to leave this place that I called 'home' for these past 2 years. I knew it was temporary when I first moved here, of course I knew that. I can't help but forming attachments to this place. After all, I'm only human.

The change was a fairly short notice. I'm to move to this new place by next tomorrow. These few days had been a whirlwind of packing and unpacking. It's a wonder how I could've collected so much junks over the span of 2 years.

Oh and I found a gorgeous double-storey house to rent as well. It is spacious and really breathtaking, and comes with a fairly reasonable price. Needless to say, I'm immensely excited to move in there.

This is a good thing.

This is a good thing.

I'm sure if I say that often enough, I'll start believing it.

On Life...Change...Growing up

16th June 2012

This is the day of the turning point of my life. Another milestone. A life-changing milestone. It's a date I wish to remember, forever, even-if-I-have-dementia forever. If I were to tattoo a date to my body, this would be it. It's THAT big.

I can't go into the specifics due to various reasons. And I resent that. But know this, it's a good thing.

Ok lets talk about something I can talk about.

Father's Day.

I used to have a great relationship with my father. Duh, only son in a chinese family. Not to mention I'm the ONLY male descendent in our extended family that supposed to carry and pass down the family name. You see, there are only 2 males amongst my father's too-many-to-count siblings. My father and my uncle. My uncle had 2 daughters. I don't have a brother. So you see, they all depended on me to carry the family name. And the Chinese takes it very seriously about the family name. So I'm kinda screwed. But whatever. Lets not dwell on it at the moment.

But I digressed.

Something happened when I was 4 - 5 years old that changed the dynamic of my relationship with my father. I had a little trouble in potty-training when I was little. So every night my father would wake me up and bring me to the toilet to pee. I guess that particular night my father was in a horrible mood, and he always had a foul temper to begin with, and I was being a nuisance not wanting to wake up. That night, he was so furious, he took the cane (or was it a belt?) and started hitting me as hard as he could. Even my mother couldn't stop him. I still remember after the incident, my mother was crying while applying cooling salve on my skin. That's the night I started distancing myself from him. I could never bring myself to be close to him anymore.

I don't think any of my sisters knew about the incident. And I've never talked about it before. Ever. Now I feel kinda relieved to be finally able to write about it. Letting it out.

I don't talk much to my father unless it's necessary and only when I couldn't avoid it. Like on Father's day, for example. Or on his birthday. My mother expects me to call him and wish him, and I always keep the conversation short. These are only the few occasions that I talk to him. I just don't know what to say to him anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate him. I just don't love him the way I should, the way any son should.

So here it goes. Happy Father's Day, father.

Saw this on facebook. Immensely hilarious. And creative.

Online crushes

Recently a friend brutally pointed out the molds that started growing at one corner of my blog. Of course I noticed that. I just pretended not to. I'm not even going to give excuses. So here I am. Cleaning up molds.

On another note, can you have a crush on someone that you've never met before?

I was talking quite a lot to this guy I knew online recently. Everyday we are growing closer and more comfortable with each other. Everyday, we are sharing a little bit more of ourselves with each other. We talk about everything, and nothing.

I know it's stupid.

He's so far away. We haven't even met yet. I don't exactly know how he looks like (although I've seen a picture of him, but reality can be so different right?). He's coming down from KL on this weekend for work. He asked me out for dinner. I wanted to accept but kind of hesitant. Partly because I didn't want to lose that fantasy. And what if I really like this guy? I don't think I can handle long distance relationship. Can LDR really survive?

Sperm....donor

As I was randomly flipping through the April issue of TIME magazine today I came across an article entitled 'Frozen Assets'. Initially I thought it was going to be another boring article regarding finance and investments and whatnot. Boy was I wrong. I was really intrigued by what the author had to say.

The article was actually about how the US had the fastest growing sperm bank business in the world. It was also becoming one of the most lucrative business as well. A healthy man with a college degree, with a height of more than 176cm, can earn up to $60 per ejaculation. Wow! And the 'donors' were profiled according to their height, appearance and education level. So, the 'inferior' specimen gets lower pay. A donor with good quality goods can earn up to $60,000 over the span of 2 years.

This made me thinking, would I do such a thing for money? Or even if not for money, lets say I do it out of the kindness of my heart to help out those poor couples out there yearning for children but unable due to various reasons, would I still do it?

For me, the answer would be 'no'. I don't think I want to father a child / children without ever knowing who they are, or how they are being brought up. And I don't want to have to wonder, when I am walking down the streets 20 years from now and bumped into a familiar face, whether he/she is actually a product from my loin.

I suppose some gays out there might be thinking that this is one of the ways for them to 'procreate'. And they would be right. If you don't ever, ever want to get married to the opposite sex, how else can you make sure you actually leave something behind, a mark if you will to signify your existence, when you leave this earth?

Of course, this raises so many social, ethical, and moral issues that I won't even go into.

So the question of the day is, would you consider to be a sperm donor?

John Abraham produced a movie called 'Vicky Donor' which dealt with the issue of sperm donors. Isn't he just too yummy?

Of blind date

W: What do you think of that girl?
Me: Er... she's cute.
W: Well, she's single.
Me: Ok.
W: And you're single. She stays near your place.
*Alarms ringing* *Warning: RUN RUN RUN*
Me: No you're not doing this, woman!
W: Why not? Here's her number. Take it. Call her.
Me: ........

W is a colleague of mine, happily married with 2 kids, whom I've grown quite close to. I suppose many of you have gone through and experienced this kind of conversation one way or another. But aren't you just sick of it repeating again and again? I know I am.

Of course if my friend is setting up a blind for me with a guy, I'll probably go for it (Gosh aren't I desperate?!), but the date is a girl. I'm still not ready to come out yet, that's why my friends and colleagues still think that I'm straight. And setting up dates for me with the wrong gender! Grrr...... How do you politely decline such a thing? What is the socially acceptable way to refuse the date? And W has already tested the water by hinting to that girl about me. That poor girl probably expects me to call her soon. Drat.

On another note, my mom has been bugging me to go home for past few weeks. She's calling me every single day asking me when I'm coming home or have I bought the tickets. My answer was always 'soon'. Sigh.... guess I can't avoid it forever. Of course, whenever I go home, the question of my single-hood would come up. I just have to brace myself for the routine interrogations and prepare a well-versed answers.

Came across this. Thought it was damn funny. A straight guy's dilemma. LOL...

Teen adults

Recently I got to know a 17-year-old boy from a social network site. God knows what he was doing there at that time. His profile said 21 years old. He requested to chat with me and I thought 'Why not?'.

So as we were chatting (purely platonic conversation, mind you), he told me that he was actually 17. At that point I started to feel quite uncomfortable. Although we never talk about anything sexual, still the circumstances that introduced us was making me doubt that I should continue chatting with him. We talked about his school, studies, his future plans and stuff. I told him upfront that I was never going to hookup with him. After he turned 18, maybe. Even that was quite young for me. So I said we can only be friends. Period. He agreed.

I don't know, I never met someone that young from an obviously adult social site. Was I wrong to continue chatting with him? He wanted to continue chatting with me the next day. I said I'll see if I'm free. I guess I was still a bit hesitant, although I kept the conversation clean. I know he was a good kid who was just curious. Weren't we all at that age? Therefore I was quite worried for him. He kept asking me not to treat him like a kid. But the matter of the fact was, he WAS still a kid. 17 years old is hardly a grown-up.

Should I continue befriend him, if we agree to be just friends? Or is this a huge mistake?

Sex bomb indeed

Came across this video recently. It's a clip from Australia Got Talent (Seriously is every country making this show now?) Anyway, this sexy guy chose to sing and strip dance. Gosh that body, just makes you go crazy and all hot and bothered. Don't you just want to lick all over that body?

What I want to say is, some guys are just so confident that they can carry out an act like that without looking like a fool. They can make it sexy. Fun. Attractive even. How do they do that? Of course one main reason is to have THAT body. And face. The singing wasn't great. But who cares right? None of us were really listening to him anyway.

"Have you got a sock tucked down there"
"No I don't,"
"That's all legit?"
"That's a lil' inappropriate bro,"

LOL...

Do you think you have the guts to ever do something like that in front of hundreds of people? I know I don't.

Attached yet single?

I feel so suffocated these days. Don't know why. Probably because the loneliness is creeping up on me and choking me.

So I was chatting with this guy Zack this morning. Charming chap. Stayed not too far away from me. Cute. Mixed chinese portugese ethnicity. *gasp*. Spoke good English. He wanted to hook up. I was skeptical. After all I was just starting to get to know him. It went quite well until he said, "I need to be honest with you," Jeng jeng... Alarms went crazy in my head. It was never a good news when someone said that.

Zack: I'm bi. And I have a gf.

I was like, wait say whattt? I went quiet for a while trying to process that information.

Me: Damn damn fuck fuck fuck!!

Zack: Why are you so upset? You can't accept that I'm bi?

Me: No, I just can't accept that you have a gf.

Zack: To be honest, I am just looking for a permanent cock sucker (his words, not mine).

Me: Why can't you go play with your gf then?

Zack: Because she's a virgin.

Me: I'm sorry but I don't hook up with men in a relationships. I don't like complications. And hooking up with you would definitely attract complications.

OMFG, what is wrong with these people???! I can't understand people who are attached, and yet still acted like they are available. Get the fuck away and don't waste my time. Assholes.

Ok so I was quite grateful that he was honest enough to tell me that he wasn't exactly 'available'. Some people didn't even have the decency to do that until it was too late and you fell head over heels over them.

I know, I know, he was only looking to hookup and not some permanent long term relationship like the rest of us (ahem me), but who knows what will happen next? I mean if we have chemistry and passion, maybe, just maybe, it might lead somewhere. Wishful thinking?

** Edit** I think I sent out the wrong message at the last paragraph there. I would never, ever, not in a million years, not if he's the last man on earth, hookup with someone who is in a relationship. What I meant was, hooking up with someone just for 'ahem' sex, but hoping that it will turn out to be more than casual sex, i.e. long term relationship.

Courage for LOVE

God knows why I woke up so early today on a Saturday morning when I don't have to go to work. Ugh..... Anyway, since I was awake, I decided to have breakfast in bed, with the delicious almond chocolate mousse cake that I bought yesterday, while watching Gossip Girl DVD, alone (sigh.... why wasn't there a hunk sleeping next to me??). Seriously, all these back-stabbing, cheating, constant lying borderline pathologically, really fascinated me. There must be something wrong with me.

Of course, one of the reasons that drew me back to the show again and again had to be the gorgeous Chace Crawford. He had the most symmetrical face, and those piercing blue eyes.... *drool*

You tell me, how can anyone not drawn to this??!

After I took a shower, I decided to hit the gym. There wasn't that many people around there, probably because most of the population were still recovering from the Friday night craziness.

Of course, as usual my wandering eyes caught this other guy who was also working out there. He had a more down-to-earth kind of good looks instead of the gorgeous Adonis model-like kind that was mention in my previous post. Well-toned body, not too buff, average height. Boy-next-door type of guy. There were only three guys, including me, and two girls working out at that time. The other guy wasn't worth mentioning (I'm such a bitch I know!), so most of the time, I was stealing glances at him. I thought I saw him glancing at me a few times too (or could be my delusion kicking in. What's new?). A few times I had a sudden impulse to approach him, but just couldn't bring myself to. Ugh...... why couldn't he just stop being so stubborn and just come grab me and kiss me senseless already?!! lolllll

Done with gym, I went for lunch at the nearby restaurant. Ordered a spicy noodles (麻辣版面) which turned out to be tooo spicy. I only ate a few bites because no mortals can tolerate that shit without burning their tongue. I still need my taste buds for sex. Among other things. Usually I don't have a habit of wasting food, but for this instance, I had to.

Hmm.... what shall I do tonight?

Piglet : How do you spell love?

Winnie the Pooh : You don't spell it. You feel it!

 

Bigger guns = Tops?

I always wonder, is it true that in sex, guys with bigger pricks will always be tops, and vice versa, guys with smaller tools will always be bottom?

Most of the time that is the case in adult film. But does it apply to real life as well? Of course bigger tools will provide more satisfaction and sexual gratification to the bottoms. But what if a guy with smaller tool enjoys being a top too?

What I feel is that prick sizes are irrelevant to the positions. It's just that some less fortunate guys with smaller tool size may find it hard to find a partner that can enjoy their god-given gift. People say that sizes don't matter, it's how you use what you are given that matters. Skills are more important in bed. But still we are living in a society where sizes are constantly at the front of our minds. When you seek for casual hookups, be it from Grindr, Jack'd etc, the conversation on prick size would definitely come up.

I say it's time we stop obsessing about sizes guys.
(Of course it is easier said than done. Who doesn't want a bigger prick?)

Eat, pray, love... minus love. and pray.

This week I'm a bit less busy. Back to my usual 60-hour per week working time. So more time for gymming, swimming, reading, blogging, shopping, masturbating, surfing(net not waves), sleeping, fine-dining, bla bla bla.......

Saw these two guys at gym today. One of the guys was wearing a white wife-beater and lifted his arms for stretching. So his friend pointed at his armpit and commented that his shaved armpit already growing some hair and needed a shave. Then they proceeded to compare each other's armpits. Gay? Or just bromance?

Couple of people from work fell sick. Really cannot tahan the sneezing and coughing all over. They better not spread their germs this way or someone is going to get a massive bitch slap.

Started reading back this book by my favourite author John Grisham(other than Sidney Sheldon) that I've neglected for quite some time. It's called 'The Confession' (Nothing about gays or gays coming out or gays going into confession!) It's my travel companion actually. A book that I always bring along when travelling or going for holiday. Sadly, it's not as captivating as his other books, so I'm having a hard time finishing it. I'm already half way through it, so I don't want to just give up. Once in a while I'll pick it up and plough through it. With a glass of red wine of course.

Yay! Getting my salary again tomorrow. Time for some splurging! And reward myself for........... erm......... hmmmm..........well........ actually can't think of reason, but I just know there's a GOOD reason I should be treating myself to a shopping spree. (Of course I tell that to myself every month. LOL!)

Oh and I'm going to try catching this new movie 'Dark Shadows' directed by Tim Burton, with Johnny Depp and Michelle Pfeiffer in it. Trailer and casts looked amazing. It's a comedy horror film. Has anyone seen it yet? No spoilers please!!!

Sunday night action

I was feeling particularly bored on a Sunday night. So I decided to hit the gay bar in town. Not exactly looking for a hookup, just to kill some time. (Of course at the back of my mind I knew if there was a cute guy approaching me, I would not send him away. What? I'm not crazy!)

So back to the story, I went to this bar that I've heard so much over the net. Apparently it was where the gay crowd gathered. As I entered the dimly lit bar, I was quite disappointed. The bar was fairly empty for a weekend. The crowd was mainly in their 20s with one or two......daddies.

I ordered a beer for myself. I'm not a beer person, I'm more of vodka, cocktail kinda person. But  apparently the bartender didn't even know what was vodka lime. Seriously? *Faint* So I went with a beer instead.

There was only one guy that caught my eye. The rest was.... not really my type. Unfortunately he was with his three other friends. And they only stayed for a while.

The pub was a karaoke pub, where customers picked their songs and sung it to the whole bar. There were surprisingly quite a few good voices there. I enjoyed some of their singing.

After I finished my beer, I decided it was time to leave. I went to the washroom to take a leak. One guy followed me in there. I was feeling quite uncomfortable, so I chose the cubicle instead of the common urinal. When I exited the cubicle, I noticed that the guy was still hanging around at the sink. He gave me a smile and asked me if I was leaving already, while fondling my waist and back. He wasn't really my type, so I just smiled and nodded, and left quickly. If I was horny I would have stayed around. But I wasn't. Luckily he wasn't persistent.

Probably not going back there again. Unless I'm REALLY desperate. Hope it doesn't come to that. lolll...

Ouch!!!

No such thing here. Damn!

Blow me.... or my whistle

Have anyone heard of the new Flo-rida song "Whistle"? Here's a part of the song.

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

Go girl you can work it
Let me see your whistle while you work it
I'mma lay it back, don't stop it
Cause I love it how you drop it, drop it, drop it, on me
Now, shorty let that whistle blow
Yeah, baby let that whistle blow

It's really a catchy song. But it's also so full of sexual innuendos I can't imagine how on earth they would play it on national radio. Of course they didn't use any censored words directly, so maybe people with no imaginations might not get it, so they are cool. But I actually laughed out loud when I first heard it on a Singapore radio station. Totally love it how they are not afraid to sing whatever song they want, and people with stick up their asses can just accept it or just fuck off.

Have a listen at it. Let me know what you think.

Eye candy

So after i finished my night shift today, I went home for a nap. After I woke up, I decided to go for a swim since I haven't had a chance to workout for quite some time due to my busy schedule. Unfortunately(or fortunately, you'll understand if you read further), the swimming pool was closed for repair. Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to hit the gym. I've always wanted to check out this fairly new gym near my area.

The gym was established just roughly a year back. After paying $10 for entrance fee, I proceeded to keep my stuff in the locker provided. The equipments were fairly new. And there was already a crowd working out there.

And man, what a crowd they were! So THIS was where all the hot guys hang out. My, my this was exactly a gay man's fantasy. Everywhere I looked, there were hunks with sculpted bodies milling about. It was really distracting. I decided to hit the treadmill first to warm up, and of course to ogle at the gorgeous men. The temperature there was indeed rising (or was it due to lack of air-conditioning?). All the while I was thinking, damn, I really couldn't make out who is gay and who is not! Hahaha...

There were too many cute guys there. But one guy that definitely caught my eyes was this hunk in a wife-beater(which you can make out his very prominent nipples), with a chiseled face, and the MOST amazing, gorgeous, impressive, jaw-dropping, breathtaking(well you get my point) body you can ever imagined. And when he smiles, dimples! Not to mentioned he was tall too, definitely more than 6ft. You can see clearly the pecs, tight abs and huge biceps. He wasn't entirely too muscular with bulging scary muscles everywhere, but just the right amount of muscles to take your breath away. That guy could be a model! I did noticed that he grabbed quite a few other gymers' attentions too.

Anyway, I wanted to snap some stalker pics, but the gym was covered top-to-bottom with bloody mirrors everywhere. I was sure that if I started snapping photos here and there, I was probably going to get bashed up at the back alley when I was leaving. lolll... I could never be as discreet or talented as some of the other bloggers (you know who you are!).

After I finished working out (hey I did some workout too, not just cuci mata k!), man was I sore all over! That must be my punishment for not working out more often. And as I was leaving, another three obviously foreign gorgeous men entered (I thought they looked middle-eastern, minus the horrible Osama beard.) Had to drag my feet outta there.

Guess who is going to the gym more often after this?

Of course, I wasted all my workout with Roti canai at the local mamak stall nearby.

Not him.

Random Hookups.... Down, boy....down!

Well, I did something bad. Not exactly bad, just.....unexpected I suppose you could say. I was feeling so horny that I hooked up with someone random. He was slightly older, cute, around my height but stockier, had this gorgeous tattoo over his left biceps, and the cutest smile ever. It was purely a physical thing, because we really don't have much common in the emotional or intellectual level. I'm such a slut! I know that. The fact is, I rarely do things like that, but sometimes we guys have needs! Sounds like I'm defending myself, but I don't really feel guilty about it. I know I should, but I just don't. I must be wired differently than the rest of the population I think.

And this guy, he was really good in bed. I mean REALLY good. He must have read the entire Kama Sutra, because he knew so many positions and what turned me on. He took his time with foreplay, stimulating me with his gifted mouth and tongue. Usually tops play a dominant role in bed, but not in this case. He was like, ok I like this, flips, then change position, flips again, continue. I mean it was really something. Hahhaahah...... I almost couldn't keep up with him. lolll....

He's definitely not a bf material. So I don't know whether I should keep up with this since I know it's not going anywhere. He is just, pardon me, a fuck buddy. We are just helping each other out. Casual hookups are really not my thing. But sometimes I just need the intimacies with another human being, in the physical sense. Is it wrong?

Totally irrelevant to my post, just thought that he's super dreamy.

Sexy slaves... where to get those?

I'm so tired... Recently I've been working like a slave. I'm working almost 84 hours a week, which is ridiculous. I don't even have time for fun anymore. It's just work, eat, sleep, wake up, work, eat, sleep...... Even slaves in the ancient Roman republic had time for some fun, at least from what I saw from the tv series 'Spartacus'. Gosh it's totally a softcore porn if you ask me. Their bodies.....speechless. The show is literally filled with sexy men parading their hot bodies in the tiniest loincloth, leaving nothing to imagination. Sometimes we even get to see a full frontal, albeit for a few heavenly seconds. Ever wonder how amazing it would be to own so many beautifully sculpted slaves who will obey your every command? But I digressed, see my mind is not even working right!

Back to the real life, it's Mother's day today! Happy Mother's day to all mothers! We may not turn out to be what you've expected, but I hope we can still make you proud. Bought dozens of flowers for my mother. Couldn't give it to her personally, so had them sent over. Received a call early in the morning from my mother thanking me. Love that woman to bits. :)

Nothing to update on my love life. Still accepting applications for those who are interested. Send in a form with your details, an attached full length photo (nude pics get extra brownie points, LOL), and a 500-word essay on your attributes and why you want to date me. HahHahaha...... just kidding..

No time to work out... shit, getting out of shape.

See I can't keep a single train of thoughts. Feel so sleepy. *yawn*

Straight Roommate = No Sex life

I have a roommate. Sometimes when some people say that they are staying with a roommate, they actually mean a housemate, as in sharing an apartment, but in different rooms. But no, I literally have a roommate, staying in the same room. The accomodation is provided by my work place, so I'm like 'cincai la'...

Of course he is straight. *rolleyes* If you throw a stone, nine out of ten you will hit a straight guys right? (Of course not if you throw it at a gay club or gay parade lah!!!!)

Let me just make myself clear, I don't have a crush at him, not even a little bit. Don't get me wrong, he is a good looking dude and all, tall, dark, charming, cute smiles. But somehow I'm just not attracted to him. That's a good thing, or else our living arrangement might not work out. Imagine lusting after a straight roomie! How to control yourself everyday night right?

I have a very weird relationship with him. We are very comfortable with each other, as comfortable two dudes with platonic friendship can be with each other. But I don't bond well with him. You might think that living with someone, you will definitely be very close to that person. We are not like that at all. We don't go out for meals together. He has his own circle of friends, and I have mine. Basically, we don't hang out outside of our room.

I guess the problem with having a roommate is the lack of privacy. Say I have a need to masturbate, I usually would have to do it when he's asleep or he's out somewhere (I really don't like jerking off in the toilet.) Like right now, when he's sleeping 10 feet away from me, I have to be really, really quiet if I want to play with myself. Obviously it's impossible to hook up with someone in my room either. That's why my sex life has really suffered a great deal. I kinda wonder how about his? We never talk about sex and stuff (because you just don't talk to straight dude about stuff like that!). I never caught him playing with himself though. No suspiciously long showers as well. I don't find strange girls leaving our room. So either he is scoring at some other places, or he has been doing it while I'm asleep as well. Kinda hot now that I really think about it.

Okay gotta go jerk off quietly now. Shhh.... he's asleep.

Gosh I DESPERATELY need to get my own place soon!




Oooppsss.... sorry.

Breaking free...

For the past 2 years I've been staying at this metropolitan city that I've chosen to settle down. I made a choice 2 years ago to leave my family home, and journeyed South to embark on a new life, away from my family that I felt was shackling me, holding me back. I was suffocating, yet no one knew. They were puzzled by my decision at first, but finally accepted it and gave me their blessings. Deep down, I knew they longed for me to stay. Despite that, they never voiced it out. For that I'm relieved. Because if they did asked me to stay, I would have, and I would grow to resent that decision, or resent them for taking that choice out of my hand.

Now, I'm happy and falling in love with this town a little bit more every day. I know it is not perfect, and it has its own flaws, but I still love it anyway. I know it's only temporary, as my work would eventually need me to move to another place sooner or later, but for now, I'm contented.

Years ago, I thought of migrating to another country, Australia to be exact. I wanted to take a course there, and maybe settle down there. But somehow, I knew I would not be able to find a job in the field that I'm interested over there, so I decided against it. Until now I have no regrets. But there is still an occasional echoes of 'what-ifs' at the back of my mind.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be too greedy. I have a job that I love, living in a town that I'm growing to love. What more can I ask for, except maybe a good-looking, smart, funny, with a body-to-die-for hottie who is crazy about me? Is that too much to ask? ;)

Crushes.... Be still, o my fluttering heart

Recently I met this cute guy whom I had such a crush on. He worked as a waiter in a restaurant near where I was staying (Seriously what is it with cute waiters?! Evil restaurant owners tempting us like that!) So there I was, having my dinner, minding my own business, and suddenly this hottie just sailed by and totally captured my attention. I was literally staring at him for 5 minutes.

He was definitely my type, lean built, average height, with those Jap/Korean good looks, complete with a nice bubble butt. *Swoon* I was smitten.

He wasn't in-charge of my table, so that was a major disappointment. I got this aunty waitress instead. Hrmpph....

Anyway, I was stealing glances at him every now and then, like a teenage school girl. I couldn't decide whether he was playing our field or not, since I was born without the stupid gaydar that everyone else seemed to have. Since he wasn't serving my table, I had no idea how the bloody hell I was to strike a conversation with him.

So after the meal, after I had decided I had ogled him enough for one night, I paid the bill and left. On my way back, I realized I left my phone at the restaurant. So I rushed back and saw him closing the restaurant. Before I could open my mouth and ask him about my phone, he said to me, 'hey you left your phone here just now,' gave me a smile, (he had dimples! *melted*), and returned it to me. I was so shocked that he knew who I was, that I literally couldn't think of anything to say. I just thank him and ran off. STUPID.... stupid... stupid... stupid...... That was THE perfect moment to talk to him right?!  And I blew it.

I'm definitely going back there to stalk him, in a non creepy way. Perhaps snap a couple pictures for you guys to cuci mata? Is that too creepy?  

I'll take one of these to go please.

Yes that's perfect!

Damn, Betty, mind sharing them?



Losing my virginity...

I know what you think. That is NOT what I'm writing about. Haha... I can so hear the disappointed moan of "Noooo....." from you guys out there. If you think this is about sex, then go wash your brain with a bottle of bleach my friend!

This is the virgin post for my blog. My First time. So you can say that I kinda lost my virginity here, in a literature sense. So nothing about sex here. Tak ada. Mei you. (Ok so maybe a little bit about sex in the later posts. Happy? Haha...)

What triggers my sudden enthusiasm to create this blog? I don't know, maybe it's the narcissistic nature in me that thinks people care what I write. I used to hear people say that there's a little part in everyone that wants to be an author, but only so few can achieve any amount of success in the world of literature. I guess with this little space of mine, I can maybe pretend that I'm one of those many starving authors.

Another reason may be because I read so many blogs from so many gay bloggers in Malaysia, or Malaysian in overseas, that inspired me to put some of my thoughts in this cyber world. I'm really impressed by how beautifully this bloggers can write, and with so much sense of humour. I died laughing at so many of their posts. Some of them include J-boy, Malimo, Leo Nut, Rotiboy, and so many more!

I'm a closeted gay. I'm so far into the closet, sometimes I wonder how would I ever find my way out of it. I mean, if the real world is like the stories of Narnia where I can come out from the other side of closet into another magical world, it would make my life a whole lot easier. But I guess there are too many people like us out there on the same freakin Titanic cruise.

I don't plan to come out through this blog. Or in real life. At least not in the foreseeable future.

I hope one day I will have the courage to come out from the closet and walk proudly on this earth as a gay man. But for now, let me freakin stay in my closet!